Let’s imagine you were hungry for some syllables, so you walked over to your yard’s word tree. Word tree fruit always hangs in clusters of three, so you pick a triad with your left, and one with your right. You gobble the first cluster, discovering only after you chew that those three words were “rectal,” “putrefy” and “termagant.” Spitting the half-eaten leavings of those words onto the ground, you pop the other bunch in: they are “shimmer,” “honey” and “moonlight.” You chew with appreciation, because we taste words by their sounds. The sounds of the first bunch were sour, and those of the second sweet.
Sleazoid Tactic #1
Hah! You word-hungry hounds are probably hankering for the continuation of this fascinating tale, aren’t you? Aren’t you? (For the sake of my rhetorical flourish here, just say “yes!”) But instead of feeding you your nourishing bowl of words (with skim milk), I’m going to send you where the article is published in full: the grand confines of Upmarket magazine.
Sleazoid Tactic #2
And just to show that one insult can be quickly followed by another, I’ll pronounce one of those sad phrases that’s now part of our commercial culture: if you like the article, click on that cussed Like button on that Upmarket page, and I will feel a special tingle.
Or you can ignore this article and go ahead and finally clean the grout lines of your tile shower with bleach and a toothbrush like you’d been putting off for the last seven years. It’s up to you, but don’t say I didn’t give you a choice.
